For a husband and wife, it’s tough to envision how counselling may perhaps begin to help when problems begin to arise within their relationship and both parties are full of resentment or forlornness. The main value in a therapeutic experience is the stimulation of awareness and understanding about the areas of interrelating which are normally beyond conscious recognition.
When the negative relational elements are brought into view, men and women can rationalize what is happening within their relational environment. Their minds may likely be exposed to thought sequences and practices that can amplify connecting and stimulate a beneficial passage of maturation with their partner. Numerous couples feel guided by the experience of relationship ounselling and while the effort can be exacting at times, ordinarily men and women emerge from the experience with a sense of empowerment.
Couples may get angry with each other the moment a significant other’s behaviour is not in tandem with what they anticipate. For example, in a loving relationship when one lover is quite “rational” whilst the other is pretty “sensitive,” the more emotional individual might feel upset that the objective partner never seems to comprehend without having matters “made plain” and they yearn for the other to “simply understand, realize, do the best thing”.
Having said that, this may well never materialize due to the fact that the rational loved one, while willing, likewise battles to tune in to more emotive and sensitive elements of the other and may thereafter get anxious and nervy that their loved one is seeing them as somehow deficient. Having the capacity to recognize such a pattern of connecting inside a
couples counselling session, means that partners may start to acknowledge that they really need to understand each other’s principal perspective and align their behaviour accordingly. This might require the more ’emotional’ companion to become more assertive with their more ‘analytical’ partner, acknowledging that their partner will not “get things” unless “informed” and so they learn to “tell” rather than to expect and be frequently embittered. Likewise the more logical partner may begin to understand how they might support their more histrionic husband or wife to share the feelings they are grappling with. Overall, the couple might come to realize there is even more than one approach of viewing their relational hardships and with greater success in corresponding with each other productively, a loving couple may come to be more self-assured and far more proficient at tuning into the other.
Partners who look for counseling are often well past the idyllic ‘honeymoon’ phase of being really in-love. They may have come to a level of familiarity with each other where personal habits and idiosyncrasies start to lead to slight irritations that can easily induce more fiery responses, if dormant issues are not attended to. A typical problem is that couples are not always familiar with how they are impacting one another or why, because they usually have not had the opportunity to understand how their specific life-scripts are playing out with their spouse. They may not have thought about how their early experience of connection might be impacting on the quality of the adult attachments they form. This will generally be unexpected but, at the same time, very helpful to men and women as they start to “connect a number of dots” for themselves, making sense of some of their own interpersonal problems.